Ok so I have moved ! No particular reason.. I may or may not write. Have had too many conversations with old friends recently and oh my, my old letters to them :P(embarrassing!), my diaries... all got back too many memories!! I think, I should get back to writing on a journal.. that way I'd express more and I can keep it for much much later too :) nothing like the smell of old books ! Sigh .. just too traditional I guess :) but that's me!! 

Watched Dil toh bachha hain ji tonight. Henceforth no rom-com movies for me! It's a feel good movie but ending is SAD and *sigh* I end up getting a bit emotional which isn't COOL at all for my well-being! *rolls eyes* And after so so soooo many years, I am just not looking forward to ahem valentine's day!! sad but I wish I could go invisible for a day ;) I have some gifts from last year's valentine's day and my mission is to get RID of all those on 14th! Yay! 

http://constantlyevolving1.blogspot.com/2011/02/10-things-to-do-before-i-die.html

http://constantlyevolving1.blogspot.com/2011/02/afternoon-ramblings.html

I might just totally move or give up blogging altogether :p 
I think second option works more in my favour and it has worked beautifully for the time when I stopped even visiting LJ. just find it all too cluttered! and plus these horrible lj ads just add to my frustration :P Just not my cup of tea to manage twitter and all the jazz around these sites...sigh. I wish I wasn't THIS technologically challenged and boring! I wish I was one of those super cool social media driven girls who exactly knew how to live it up in the current scenario! Im just so OLD SCHOOL!  

Back from the most amazing & relaxing trip with family. Sis and Maahee have really made the days super-busy n we have our schedule's set till the march 10th. Weekends are packed with friends n family visiting us,weekdays are packed with dinner plans post work. :) my friends are taking a back seat n i know,some of them r super pissed but time is just flying by n somehow when u prioritize life, family comes first. I so wish I was better at time management.I'm gonna have a hard time making them understand but I know I will not do a bad job in the end. :P 



I so needed to break-free from work! I never really knew the importance of having the vacation or days off but this time,I actually could feel what it feels to have a clutter-free mind and the day with no plans at all. and most importantly,no nagging phone calls. bliss:) Strawberries n cream,extravagant lunches,afternoon siestas,soothing music,poolside dinners with the most beautiful ppl I know,star gazing & freezing cold nights n warm coffee along with a nice book on a cozy bed overlooking the valley! Now dreading going back to work tom. sigh. I wish I could get a job where I would get paid for traveling! 

On another note,mom is giving me hints of marriage etc. You know,your sister's marriage is the perfect platform for your relatives to hunt for a nice chap n sort of ask your mom about your whereabouts as far as "getting married" is concerned. But that was some 2 yrs back and I had a guy who I introduced as a very dear friend to all my relatives(major gossip material) n I was way too young so ppl had to just shut up and go about their business. and now yet again,my mom has some nice "proposals" from the very same relatives lol but then of course, I have never really discussed this with family. My mom is way too happy though! Only becoz she can now find a nice "Maharashtrian" chap for at least one of her daughters. *jeez* I still don't know I mean. As far as making long term plans go, I really have to give it a thought but as of now, career tops my list. I want to study further too. Too many vague plans ahead. Marriage is definitely not happening even if my mom ends up finding someone so good that I can't refuse ;) I had made those plans with somebody else and now I just can't suddenly replace him by someone and go about you know? I'm too happy re-discovering myself and having the options open for me. And I just can't marry someone like that. Arranged marriage is something I have never ever even thought of. I just don't want to fall into the trap of "mediocrity" that's all I know!

I know it will all work out when it has to and all that jazz and I will get answers to some of the questions as the time passes by but the truth is, I am way too far from making commitments,getting 'settled' and the very thought of settling down with someone I may not even know scares the hell out of me. I need to find a friend in someone I will settle down with so that I don't seek help from someone outside my marriage :P and seriously, love should be more than just a "to do" list right? However, whenever I will sit down to plan my future, I really won't be able to ignore the fact that I may have to give it a thought sooner or later. Scary!! As of now, I am happy living life on my own terms, going with the flow and living it up in my first job till I truly find my calling - which I hope happens very very soon!

The following is like my dream shoe closet. (via someone's tumblr)



I think I have a shoe fetish. In college, I used to always show off by wearing different and classy footwear every week and your juniors trying to copy you is the next best thing at times ;) (though not always!) Only recently, I discovered the joys of wearing high heels which i feel is great for me cos I have never been able to carry it off well but now I can and I hope I just get better :P and now I have found this amazing place near my work-place where you get to know the latest shoe trends and you can follow it up provided you have enough dough in your wallet! I am not very brand conscious as far as shoes are concerned so any new and trendy street-side shopping goes along well too! Adds more variety! Living with mom is tough at times because I have to be answerable each time I buy a new pair(thanks to those lunches between work hours or random stroll in the mall after work hours) and then the usual "you have to learn how to control" etc continues till the time she really thinks that it's of no use making me understand! I know, I'm such a difficult daughter at times but as far as shopping is concerned, I think I always be the difficult one for my mommy dearest. *sigh* 

anyway, my younger cousin sis has joined the wonderful blogging world. No, I am not her inspiration for sure ;) welcome "twilightfairy5.blogspot.com" (even though I am not too fond of your blog name ;)) but welcome my sweetheart :) This will put a whole new perspective to your thinking! Make your sisters proud like you always always always have since school! 

On another note, I am off on a holiday for 3 days -- will be off work for the first time in 7 months and I am super excited to spend the 3 days with family close to nature, away from all the craziness out here! More when I am back! :D 

 

I had a very rushed morning yesterday so I had decided to grab the shut eye the moment I hopped onto the bus since I was traveling to Mumbai for a day. But Instead, I completed my pending calls, put my phone on silent mode, grabbed my headphones and put music on full blast. Music blasting in my ears and my mind at total peace is the best combination I have experienced in a long long time. *So* needed to disengage myself from work and related drama.. I was at peace with self with absolutely no work done by my grey cells! I'm this "restless & messed up" character who constantly has some questions to be answered in her mind but this time, I had nothing, absolutely nothing on my mind. I was just... content. 

I had a meeting to attend at my boss's house followed by cocktails and dinner. Knowing her well, I knew, I had to prepare myself well for a long brainstorming session. After a very intense session, we moved towards the lighter part of the evening. helped ourselves with Amarula cream liqueur to start with. Ordered in some veg crispies and veggie pizzas. Nice soft buddha bar CD playing in the background, house decorated with scented candles and a huge french window overlooking the glittering high-rise apartments of south bombay. and perfect set of people. What else would one want?



It's funny how quickly we switch modes between being super formal in meetings to being very casual right after the work hours are done with. This is something totally new to me and I'm completely in awe with this concept. A couple of drinks down and a few hours later, we were into intense conversations, discussing almost everything under the sun. Everyone in my team comes from different backgrounds and there's always something new you encounter.. something that's totally out of the box. and most importantly, the place gave out terrific positive vibes and immense warmth.. I was in my comfort zone instantly! Meeting right kind of people in your professional life is so important. Even though, this is my first job, I never felt as if I'm in some place I just don't fit. I'm the youngest in my team and I had to face the challenge of proving myself and make myself fit the bill. I had to go through some very uncomfortable situations at work, "i'm going to give up" moments and some very much avoidable goof ups. But having a person to guide me in the right direction changed the complete picture, the perceptions I had.

My boss gives a very frank & critical feedback whenever necessary. For starters, you feel totally defeated and you're like no way you're going to take it in but then, I think I have realized the critical feedback she gives me is going to take me a long way. When someone gives you the sort of feedback you dread thinking about is actually something you really need to work on in life so that there's more room for improvement. There's just too much to learn from her and I think, the kind of working style that I've developed and the way I have worked on myself in the past few months is all thanks to her. She's molding me into this dynamo leader(long way to go yet), who really didn't know how to behave when she first reported to her ;) 

Had a fun confessions round. I think I have confessed some of the things I haven't even told some of my close friends and I don't think so, I would even tell anyone else in future but then that was the fun part. I hope it stays within the four walls of that house ;) We also had "what you don't like about the other person" session. It's scary but then we had decided to take it in right spirit and not ruin it by giving our own justifications. Imagine, 7 people sitting right in front of you and only pointing out the things they don't really appreciate about you. and you giving the honest critical feedback to someone else. Not a very pretty picture! But I was not very surprised to note some of the things people may not like in me.. these are some of the things I had already discussed with someone and I knew I had to work on it so it was all thumbs up! What really surprised me were some of the good things that people noticed in me. I really was taken aback by some of the observations :) One of the team-mates I was meeting for the first time had a very interesting point to say. First impressions matter so I was hell nervous! The team mate said, "you give out this calm picture of someone who's totally comfortable in her skin and appreciates the warmth around her instantly and makes the other person feel comfy which is so rare" Wow. Me? and calm? Made me think. and probably will make me think! But it's somewhere true, that was my state of mind at that pt of time, I was extremely at ease and that's something I've noticed only recently. It's a part of me I never knew existed before. 

All in all, I had a fun evening filled with laughter, real conversations and an amazing set of people! Gives you a bigger picture of so many things in life and makes you realize that you really shouldn't be sweating the small stuff..

Dr Meredith Grey: Don't look at me like that. 
Dr Derek Shephard : Like what? 
Dr Meredith Grey : Like you've seen me naked!

--

Dr Meredith Grey : I have an aunt who whenever she poured anything for you she would say "Say when". My aunt would say "Say when" and of course, we never did. We don't say when because there's something about the possibility, of more. More tequila, more love, more anything. More is better.

Time to meditate over grey's anatomy this week! :D

Frankly speaking, I didn't know how to handle the "single" status.. I was just lost! I mean, as far as my college life goes, I had someone to tag along with me! I know that's such a harsh way to put it but then that's how it is. Be it junior college (BUT had nothing serious then) and then my undergrad years - I was into a very serious relationship where in my days and nights revolved around that one person.

yes, it's kinda funny when I look back at it. But hey, you should never regret what once made you smile, isn't it? ;) And I was this happy-go-lucky bubbly girl who thought nothing was impossible - quite on cloud 9 and stupid I was! My thoughts, my friends, the way i lived was all according to that one person.. I did exactly what he wanted. I mean obviously I did not lose out on my identity but I did not do something he didn't like or approve and that's how my thinking changed. And I did not mind a bit of possessiveness either. So it was cool till it LASTED. I was caught in this tiny bubble where I had set boundaries for self but only when the bubble burst, I understood where I was headed. And I think, attachment is the worst  punishment you can give to yourself - esp when things don't work between both of you but you still drag it for the sake of attachment that you have for him/her. But sometimes, some decisions - you so dread taking for so long and then you finally take it by closing your eyes and taking a *deep* breath- work out the best in the end. Have you ever experienced it? I have and I'm glad, I'm done with something that was never meant to be. I mean, I do have my days when I miss the old days so terribly that tears just roll down at the most random-est of places - at work, while driving back home, when i'm out with friends or when my favorite song starts playing on the radio or when I watch his favorite show on TV. THANK GOD, I changed my phones. So many messages and photos were taken care of! Too many awkward and embarrassing moments but I'm just human after all but all this doesn't mean I would want to go back to those days. In fact, Never. Sometimes, it's safe where you left it. No? Any way, today, that's not the point. The point is how I coped with the Single status! It's no big deal but for me, it was.

However, I was too happy to realize that I survived just fine. ;) I mean, I am so glad to know that I don't have dependency issues! Otherwise most of my friends have hopped from one relationship to the other, just to get over easily and feel connected! And ego has a major role to play in this. Ha. Sadly, I never felt the need to do it. I am enjoying the freedom because seriously I was so caught up in the mess for so long and now I can live my life on my own terms and do things on my own. I don't have to call that one person before going out with someone or for that matter keep someone in the loop all the time. Such a relief! I don't know if i'd turn into a commitment phobic but hey, who wants hassles.. I will handle it when i have to. But as of now, I am just not ready for any kind of attachment or relationship.. or even if I have options open, i will never ever think about it till the time my heart and mind decide to work in sync and the voices inside me give the positive answer. 

Now I can sport that blood red lipstick If I want to or tie my hair in a messy hairdo, wear flipflops and shorts, talk to my friends as long as I want, sleep through missed calls and not get yelled for it, not worry about gifts to be given for monthly anniversaries, have girly booze sessions and get sloshed out completely, not worry about eating too much and putting on weight ;), talk to my old and close guy-friends (the ones he never liked) and not feel guilty, have a complete new world with new future plans where I don't have to form my plans based on other people's lives, be moody and totally at ease with myself if I want to be just be ME and not get bogged down by expectations, no fights, no insecurity issues, "peaceful" sleep at night, spend money on self as much as I want & satisfy retail therapy urges (since now it doesn't get shared :P), be totally crazy and believe in dreams and listen to your heart and not get a reality check every few mins by someone who's oh so practical! and in short, just be myself. I realize, I had so totally lost myself in the process... not anymore. I'm better off alone than be with someone who wants me to lose myself totally and be someone I am not. 

I wonder if there are any good guys out there, I mean the ones who will prove me wrong and make me believe in the magic of "love" again... perhaps someone like my dad. he's such a perfect gentleman. I think, mommy is the luckiest! *touchwood* I have grown up seeing him raise our family in the most honest and caring manner ever.. the first man I loved and will always respect and always always always love. Oh let's save another post just for him :)) He's someone who used to call me up every night when I was in Bangalore to ask if I have had my dinner and then only begin eating his dinner in pune :)) and a simple sneeze on the phone used to freak him out.. and someone who's so tough otherwise actually got insecure and lost his sleep over my first boyfriend :)) lol. Many more things which I'd probably save for later.

Exceptions and unconditional love should be reserved and is applicable only for parents.. nobody else..

“I believe in everything until it’s disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it’s in your mind. Who’s to say that dreams and nightmares aren’t as real as the here and now?”
— John Lennon

I have written this on a piece of paper and i carry it with me ALL THE TIME. Such positive words!!